Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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