Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
