my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
