So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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