I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
