Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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