she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
