More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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