Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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