in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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