I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
