I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
