My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
