I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
