I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
