just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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