I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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