I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
