is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
