My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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