ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
