apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
