You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
