my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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