the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
