there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
