he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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