I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
