She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Me too!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
