god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
