If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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