Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
