He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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