new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
