Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
