I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
