Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
