Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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