All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
