you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
