Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
