you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
