matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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