Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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