My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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