Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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