you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
