and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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