I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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