im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
