I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
