Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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