If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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