Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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