I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
