I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
